Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Prize: The Great Kangaroo Point Oval Swindle!

The Prize: The Great Kangaroo Point Oval Swindle!: Political Football Football is big in Titanuranus. Titanuranusians love their football. Every province has at least one footb...

The Great Kangaroo Point Oval Swindle!

Political Football

Football is big in Titanuranus.

Titanuranusians love their football.

Every province has at least one football team they can call their own - except Titanuranus!

Football is administered by the Provincial Football League or the PFL.

The CEO of the PFL is Alex the Greek.

Alex the Greek is known to yell out at board meetings, in the street or in his sleep "I AM the PFL".

The Greek knows there are too many clubs in that province and he wants them to die a natural death or move to Titanuranus.

Alex the Greek
Anything but kill them off himself. 

The Kangaroos are the poorest club in the province of Victoria.

The Kangaroos have the lowest support base in the entire league.

The Kangaroos are bloody desperate.

Many years ago in Titanuranus it was decided to upgrade The Domain football ground [AKA 'The Sun Bowl'].

An Administrative Error
However, due to a public servant coming back from lunch three parts cut and his compass landing in the wrong spot, the oval was built in Kangaroo Point.

Kangaroo Point is a windswept shit hole on the wrong side of the river with no parking, no character, no sunshine and no decent drinking facilities.

Cricket is also played at the Kangaroo Point oval and the Titanuranus cricket authorities have been to "clean up that shit hole' or no more first class games of cricket.

However, they cannot afford it.

Kangaroo Point
But they can encourage funding for a football team to play there.

That way they get an upgrade for nothing.

A plan is hatched.

The plan is hatched in the tool shed on Parliament Lawns.

Inside the tool shed are Alex the Greek, Kangaroos President James Crayshaw, The Titanuranus Premiere, the local Mayor and several disgruntled rats. 

The Eagles tune 'Desperados' is playing in the background.

The local Mayor was a show pony who knew nothing of policy but loved the limelight.

The Tool Shed!
He was planning to step up a level in politics and this was a good photo opportunity.

All he had to do was hand over some ratepayers cash to the Kangaroos.

Many of his fellow alderman were only too happy to oblige at the council table.

James Crayshaw would go for a swim with the devil to get his hand on some cash so he was 'in' straight away.

The Titanuranus Premiere was doing somersaults thinking of votes in a constituency that has been crying out for football for years.

'Votes' is the 'operative word here.

'Votes' being the operative word
The Premiere never has been a big vote vote puller.

Especially among women.

The Premiere will not get anywhere near a quota in an election.

The opposition leader will get two.

In order to try and curry favour with the constituency the Premiere is as desperate as James Crayshaw and agrees to pour money into the venture.

A few more nurses will need to be sacked but so what!

Alex the Greek has found the suckers he was looking for.

After a few more meetings in the tool shed the official announcement was ready to be made.

There were so many people at the photo opportunity no camera lens ever made could fit them all in.

They then go onto the oval for more photos.

James Crayshaw flies straight back to Victoria Province as he is on 'The Footie Show' that evening.

The Premiere gets out the beer and the popcorn and waits for the big story to be announced.

James Crayshaw is grinning from ear to ear!

Get out of Jail Free
He has a temporary 'Get out of Jail Free' card thanks to the ineptitude of the powers they be in Titanuranus.

The Premiere waits and waits.

No mention of the deal.

No mention of Titanuranus.

No mention of the Premiere.

The Premiere is furious.

"No mention of me! No mention of me!!!

Northern Titanuranus already has an established arrangement with the Victoria Province team 'The Goshawks'.

The Goshawks Ground
It has been built up over years, is well organise and is a success.

There is a stark contrast between those in the South of Titanuranus and those in the North.

Northern Titanuranusians are the salt of the earth.

They are mostly blue collar workers and when a hail ball lands in their meat pie at the footy they do not bat an eyelid.

Hail in your pie - no problem!
They love their sport and attendances are always strong at sporting events.

Southern Titanurasians are a different breed.

They are a limp wrested lot who would rather ponce about in an art gallery than go to the footy.

"It is too cold"

"It is too windy"

"It is too this"

"It is too that"

The Kangaroo Point oval is on the other side of the river anyway and "who would want to go over there?".